I am maria!

Tag: experimental

  • I look in the mirror

    I look in the mirror and what do I see, a woman? A girl?

    Waiting to be free….of all that they told her she had to be…

    Of the connotatations,

    the assumptions, the bringing down,

    of her pretending to be the clown,

    not feeling enough,

    not being tough,

    not moving forward,

    but staying stuck,

    in the muck of the past

    unknowingly…contributing tomaking it last,

    I look in the mirror and all I can seeis a woman a girl,

    waiting to go free!

    This video marks a new beginning for a poem originally written for I am Maria!. It now emerges as a moment of transformation and transfiguration of voice and artistic self, unfolding within a new paradigm.

    This work is not a standalone piece, but an evolving fragment that will form part of the live immersive performance I am Maria: Bloom.

    Visual material by Valeria Pazos (PhD candidate, Mexico), whose imagery forms part of this evolving collaboration.

    See more of Valeria’s work @valeria_pazosf

    See more of my sonic experiments

    Sonic Experiments

  • Lonely Star

    Lonely Star emerges as a poetic reflection on the hidden self, exploring the tension between outward performance and inner truth. Written as part of the I am Maria! creative research project, the poem gives voice to the quiet, often unseen emotional landscape carried beneath the surface. Through rhythm and repetition, it reveals the experience of isolation, self-concealment, and the longing to be fully seen and heard.

    Lonely Star

    The ups and downs,

    the lows the things that nobody knows

    the face they never see

    hidden behind the curtain, 

    they’re blind,

    I hide

    behind a pose

    behind my prose

    behind the mask of

    my smile

    my style,

    my swag,

    and It presses heavily on my heart,

    it’s become an art,

    hiding that part, 

    the something I carry

    like a pack on my back

    24/7

    no escape – no heaven

    no relief underneath,

    but they will never know

    that it’s all just a show

    and in it’s the real me,

    the lonely star,

    who only I see.

    Lonely Star is a reflective poem and part of the creative research project I am Maria!

    This poem extends into a lyrical vocal expression, where the internal voice emerges through rhythm, spoken word, and sound.

  • Carmencita en fragmentos – Study II

    Carmencita…Study II

    An investigation into how I fit, if I fit, and what it means when I don’t.

    Study II of an exploration of the feminine archetype, Carmen returns to me again and again. Not as a role to perform, but as a myth to question.

    The reference here is most directly the Habanera – a melody so embedded in culture that even non-opera audiences recognise it. But beyond its familiarity lies something deeper: Carmen as rebel, as woman who refused to fit the narrative of her time.

    She does not follow societal rules. She does not soften herself to survive. She stands firm in her own truth, even when that truth costs her everything.

    I am drawn to the word l’amour. Love is layered, uncontrollable, untameable. “L’amour est un oiseau rebelle” love is a rebellious bird. It cannot be forced, contained, or owned. Carmen understands this. She identifies with it.

    These electronic investigations are organic and free. I never fully know what will emerge. Each experiment explores how Carmen might live inside my voice, through classical operatic mezzo sound, natural voice, spoken word, and electronic colour.

    TouchDesigner allows the visual world to destabilise and pulse unpredictably. Plug-ins become spice, like building flavour in a sauce, shifting tone, heat, and texture within the voice itself.

    This is not an attempt to recreate Carmen.

    It is an attempt to fragment her.

    To see what remains.

    How the pieces come together.

    To see where I fit.

    Carmencita en Fragmentos | Study II

    Link to Study I Love is a Bird

  • Do you care? Na na na

    Do you Care? Na na na

    Do you care? is a continuing experiement in sound, creativity and freedom of expression.

    This piece began as an act of people-watching, quietly observing the world and wondering whether we still care about one another.

    A distant piano opens the work, as if someone is practising somewhere far away, before the sound shifts from a nostalgic, almost 1960s European atmosphere into abstraction and electronic textures. Sung and spoken in Italian and English, the piece ends on a single question: Do you care?